


what are we?

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Demisexual Kozume Kenma, Didn't Know They Were Dating, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Not canonverse, Pining, boys being dumb
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-07
Updated: 2017-02-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 18:50:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9620864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Kuroo is overjoyed to be dating his best friend after years of pining- his life is basically perfect.Kenma thinks being in love with his physically affectionate 100% platonic best friend is a special kind of torture.





	

Kuroo remembers with incredible clarity the moment he first asked Kenma on a date. It was fall in the few weeks of the year during which his and Kenma's ages overlapped; they were both sixteen. Kuroo had been psyching himself up for months, fighting the deep fear that Kenma would reject him, and finally he had decided that the chance to be with the person he was in love with was worth the risk of heartbreak.

The two boys were sitting in Kuroo's treehouse, which his moms had built for him while his Mama was pregnant with him. The air outside was brisk, and Kenma was wearing a spare jacket of Kuroo's and reading a western science fiction book. The smaller boy was dwarfed by the large denim jacket, and the wave of affection that coursed through Kuroo was almost painfully intense. Words he had thought of saying for so long came to his lips, and in a moment of either bravery or recklessness, Kuroo let himself say them.

"Kenma," he said quietly, "I have something I need to tell you."

"Hmm?" Looking at Kenma's face, soft blond strands falling over the softer eyes, Kuroo felt paralyzed. He looked at the ceiling.

"Ihavefeelingsforyou," Kuroo's voice rushed out. He didn't wait for a response. "And it's okay if you don't feel the same way, but, please, give me a chance- let me take you on one date?"

"…Sure." When Kuroo gathered the nerve to look back at Kenma, he was still looking at his book, which Kuroo thought was a little strange- but then again, Kenma was so perceptive, it was possible he'd seen this coming for years.

Kuroo wasn't sure how he felt about that.

"So!" Kuroo said, and cleared his throat, feeling worried despite Kenma's acceptance. This time Kenma did look up, amber eyes unreadable.

"I'll pick you up at 7 this Saturday?" Kuroo asked.

Kenma actually smiled, the sweet, small one that few people but Kuroo had the privilege of seeing, and Kuroo's chest tightened. "Yeah, okay."

\------------------------

 

The next day proceeded normally, and Kenma didn't even acknowledge that something had shifted in their relationship- but Kuroo's mind was working in overdrive.

For one thing, Kuroo knew he had to make this date the single best date, ever. Kenma didn't feel the same way yet, and that felt like a punch to the gut every time Kuroo remembered- but maybe if Kuroo made the date perfect Kenma would…

And besides, a perfect date for Kenma was different than a perfect date for anyone else Kuroo knew. He wouldn't like something cliché like a candlelit dinner, he would hate anything with huge crowds like an amusement fair; but if Kuroo made it too similar to their regular routine he wouldn't be able to convince Kenma they would be better off as more than friends.

Equally worrying to Kuroo was the fact of Kenma's asexuality. Not that Kuroo wasn't accepting of it! If Kenma never even wanted to hold hands Kuroo would be overjoyed to be his boyfriend. But they'd only discussed it once, a year ago, so Kuroo had no idea of Kenma's boundaries when it came to relationships. After some frantic research (and self-analysis) Kuroo decided the best thing to do was let Kenma initiate and discuss the whole situation with Kenma after a couple dates.

The process of planning the date and his own strategy exhausted Kuroo (he wasn't usually one for extensive planning.) So by the time Friday night came, Kuroo fell asleep quickly despite his nerves. Saturday morning he had volleyball practice, without Kenma, and he was so anxious that he fumbled nearly every block. It was bad enough that the captain eventually just sent Kuroo off to run laps alone.

After practice, in the locker room, Bokuto came to Kuroo with a concerned look on his face. 

"You okay, bro? You were way off your game today!" Kuroo felt grateful at the concern in his friend's voice, even if it was only volleyball caused.

"I have a date with Kenma tonight."

"Holy SHIT!" Bokuto screamed this loud enough to draw looks from all the other team members. "Holy fuck? How come you didn't tell me?"

"I didn't want to jinx it, dude. And I didn't want you bothering Kenma about it, no offense." Kuroo knew how Bokuto could be when he was excited about things.

"I wouldn't have!"

Kuroo just raised his eyebrows.

Bokuto evidently decided not to protest further. "So you confessed? And he felt the same way? Then why are you nervous?" 

Kuroo finished packing his bag and started walking home, Bokuto following closely.

"He, uh, he didn't. He was willing to give it a try but." Kuroo felt his voice go a bit hoarse against his will. "He doesn't feel the same way."

Bokuto had plenty of encouragement and sympathy to offer after that, but Kuroo only felt more worried when he got back home, with three hours remaining before he needed to go meet Kenma.

Kuroo found himself in his room, flipping through a pile of clothes on the floor with increasing despair. This was never going to work, he'd ruined his most important friendship, he was going to die alone.

He buried his face into some nearby sweatpants and screamed.

This was probably not the smartest thing to do, since one of his mothers immediately came up to see what was wrong.

"Honey?" Said Kuroo's Mom. "Are you alright?"

Feeling like an 8 year old again, Kuroo admitted everything to his Mom, who gave him a huge hug and let him lean against her for a while.

Some amount of time later- Kuroo lost track- she pulled him up, saying, "you do need to choose something to wear, though, sweetheart."

With his Mom's astute help, Kuroo ended up choosing a nice grey button down with black jeans. The rest of the time Kuroo spent listening to sad indie music and pacing.

When the time came, Kuroo forced himself to walk to Kenma's at a normal pace, resisting the urge to run in either direction. He rang the doorbell at that familiar doorstep, feeling like he'd never done so before.

Kenma came to the door, dressed much more casually than him in a big white T-shirt and beat up old jeans. Kenma glanced over Kuroo's outfit.

"You're dressed nicely," he stated, "should I go change?"

"No!" Exclaimed Kuroo. "You're uh, you're perfect."

They walked together to where Kuroo had placed his bicycle. The movie theater where Kuroo was planning on taking Kenma was close enough to ride there, and Kuroo had decided that the most romantic thing would be for Kenma to ride behind him, standing up, with his hands in Kuroo's shoulders. They'd done this before, in many summers as kids, but as Kenma pressed himself up behind Kuroo and grabbed his shoulders, Kuroo suddenly doubted his own plan. The butterflies in his stomach were beating their wings with a vengeance. But there was no time left to change the plan, so he pedaled on, chattering at Kenma about school and an upcoming volleyball tournament as if those were things that mattered.

At the movie theater, Kuroo disembarked quickly so he could help Kenma get down in an exaggeratedly gentlemanly way. Kenma giggled at the gesture, making Kuroo grin. 

Since it was Saturday night, the theater was crowded; but there were only a few other people watching indie sci-fi movie Kuroo chose for the date. Kuroo didn't really get the movie, but he could tell from Kenma's face that the other boy loved it. 

While a character on screen was making telepathic love to an octopus-like alien, Kuroo moved his pinky next to Kenma's, letting their fingers touch. He swallowed hard, hoping Kenma would take the hint. 

Kenma linked their pinkies. Kuroo nearly died. 

Ten minutes later, as the octopus alien betrayed the crew of the main characters' starship, Kuroo mustered up the courage to gently intertwine his fingers with Kenma's. Kenma squeezed his hand back, and Kuroo thought he could actually feel his soul ascending to heaven. 

He didn't even notice any of the rest of the movie, focused entirely on the warm, slightly damp, electrifying feeling of Kenma's hand pressed against his. 

When the movie was over, the two of them sat there while the credits rolled with an upbeat electronic song playing over them. Kuroo listened to Kenma talking excitedly about the movie, rejoicing at finding something the normally apathetic Kenma enjoyed enough to chatter about. They were still holding hands, which made Kuroo ridiculously happy. They walked out of the theater slowly, and Kuroo asked if Kenma wanted to go get dinner.

Kuroo knew, from prior research, that there was a nearby diner that served apple pie, but pretending it was a spontaneous idea was part of the plan.

At the diner, Kuroo ordered for the both of them, knowing Kenma disliked talking with waiters. The waitress was very friendly, clearly seeing they were on a date. At the counter, she whispered conspiratorially, "your boyfriend is really cute! He looks a lot like my girlfriend, with that growing out dyed hair. Good luck to you guys!"

Surprised, Kuroo smiled back and returned the wink. "Thanks! It's our first date. Good luck to you and your girlfriend too!"

When Kuroo returned to the table, Kenma didn't seem as happy as he did before. Kuroo brought up the latest video game Kenma was playing, trying to get him engaged in conversation again. He also took Kenma's hand again, though that was possibly for more selfish reasons.

It worked, and by the time they were splitting an entire apple pie between them Kenma was smiling uncontrollably at Kuroo's Bokuto impression. Falling quiet for a moment, Kuroo wondered if he should ask Kenma if he was willing to continue… dating.

"I had a really great time tonight," Kuroo stated, hoping Kenma would pick up on the implied question.

"Me too. We should do it again sometime." 

Kuroo grinned so widely Kenma must have thought he was insane. He didn't stop smiling the whole ride back to Kenma's house. Kuroo walked Kenma to his door, and stood frozen for a moment in indecision.

"Can I… hug you?" He asked tentatively.

"Sure?" Kenma replied, "you don't really have to ask."

Kuroo wrapped his arms tightly around Kenma's thin frame, tucking his chin over the smaller boy's head. They remained that way for a while, Kuroo feeling warm throughout his entire body. 

"Thank you for giving me this chance, Kenma," Kuroo whispered, "you won't regret it."

"You don't need to thank me, Kuro," Kenma said, and Kuroo tried not to get caught up in the adorable nickname, "I like spending time with you. I like you."

After Kenma went inside, Kuroo danced the whole way home, feeling like he was walking on clouds.

 

\--------------

 

Kenma remembered that day at the movies more than slightly differently.

That day in the treehouse, Kenma had been deeply absorbed in his book. He was always grateful that he was close enough friends with Kuroo that he could ignore him sometimes without Kuroo taking offense, and the part of the book Kenma had been reading then was particularly absorbing- Kenma was very invested in a certain character's redemption arc, and this chapter was the one in which she chose whether to stay in the army of a corrupt government like her father had, or join her best friend in the resistance.

By the time Kenma registered that Kuroo was talking to him, all he caught was an invitation to hang out that weekend.

Riding on the back of Kuroo's bike was nice- something about holding on to Kuroo's broad shoulders made the precarious position feel perfectly secure. And Kenma had loved the movie. But what he'd loved more was holding Kuroo's hand during it. Kenma knew Kuroo meant it in a purely platonic way, but holding the hand of the boy he was in love with allowed him to pretend- for a while- that what he wanted so badly was possible.

Kenma could hear the deceit in Kuroo's voice when he asked Kenma oh-so-casually if he wanted to get dinner. How typical of Kuroo, to try to make Kenma feel better about being poorer than him by sneakily paying for everything with the excuse of Kenma not having brought money in preparation. 

At the restaurant, the warm bubble that had been expanding in Kenma's chest the whole evening was burst by the reality of his situation. While Kenma sat at a table, restrained by his social anxiety, Kuroo flirted with the pretty short-haired waitress in the front. Kuroo was naturally friendly, and he always spoke with staff of places he went, but her wink at him (and his genuine smile and wink in return) served to remind Kenma of the unrequited nature of his… feelings. Kenma lectured himself harshly. He'd never had a chance, so it was nonsensical and idiotic to feel disappointed by Kuroo displaying his obvious heterosexuality.

The rest of the night was nice, though Kenma felt guilty at how much he enjoyed Kuroo's hug at the end of the night. Kuroo, during the hug, thanked Kenma for conquering his social anxiety enough to go out with him, which Kenma thought was a little overly protective of him. Kenma knew Kuroo thought of him as a fragile sort-of-younger-brother, who needed Kuroo's defense from the dangers of the world. Kenma loved Kuroo for his thoughtfulness, but he hated that Kuroo saw him as a child in need of protection, rather than….

But he shouldn't dwell on things that would never come to be.

**Author's Note:**

> This might be the cheesiest thing I've ever written. If you feel like it, please comment!


End file.
